The Five Ages of a TSM Office Manager

I wrote this last year about TSM. It became relevant again as I heard through the TSM grapevine that a new office manager was once again doing something about that fridge situation

1. The first age dawns on day one of TSM employment. Fresh faced, filled with enthusiasm and vigor, the new office manager arrives at Black Falcon Ave. in clean and pressed professional attire and is carted around to meet all of the employees. Names are forgotten and awkward pleasantries exchanged—at least that’s how it works in the development office. Still, optimism rules the hour and coffee is promptly brewed and setup with pleasant presentation in the kitchen.

2. The second age comes after the office manager has been on the job for a few weeks. Flushed with the success of the coffee and getting to know co-workers, the office manager sets about to make a difference. Accordingly, the refrigerator is soon cleaned.

3. In the third age, the small details that delighted colleagues have become drab. Routine is the by-word of this age and frankly the routine is getting old. The pleasantly presented coffee pots of earlier ages are forgotten, and the brewing of coffee mostly ceases. Coffee drinkers are left to fend for themselves. They do. No one expects coffee to be made for them. By this point, the office manager is starting to realize his or her true purpose: executive assistant.

4. In the fourth age of the office manager, the last age’s foreshadowings have come to rule the day. Coffee and refrigerator be damned, the office manager is solely responsible to the C and Vs. Cream shortages are rampant with the occasional water shortage. Murmurs echo in the hallway as co-workers speculate about the difficulty of keeping the coffee system running smoothly and noticing that all of the water jugs are empty.

5. The fifth and final age begins as the office manager realizes that in spite his or her aptitude for assisting executives, lowly co-workers circumvent his attempts to be a buffer by speaking directly to the executives. They don’t seem to understand the value of a middleman. They also still seem miffed by the lack of cream. Appearance starts to suffer and cigarette intake increases. The age ends with a mishandled airline ticket, one too many over-important interruptions of the CEO, or a simple disinterested resignation leading to early termination. Life remains largely the same and former co-workers of the once-upon-a-time Office Manager look forward to the cycle renewing itself again. The fridge is starting to get a little grimy, after all.